fear

there are so many things i fear of
but there is this one that bothers me the most is death
i am not sure if this is normal
when i was i kid i have thought of how i wanna die
i wanna die in my sleep or i wanna die when i go blind
i wanna donate all my organs to the one in need this was when i was 13 years old
most of the girls my age thought of their wedding but i did not
i was planning what to do if i survive another year
i don't wanna die a virgin
i don't wanna die alone too
i don't wanna die in pain
lately this thoughts always mingle around mm
i am not sure why but it is always there in my brain
i guess when ever i am happy i am afraid that i will lose all of it soon
i am scared that it will all end tomorrow
i have a bunch of nice team mate that make my day
i love my current job
my bro got a job
i am happy but i am scared
i know i deserve to be happy but i am scared to let myself lose
i have already let go of something but there is another half of me that is in fear
i hope that someone will come and save me soon
i don't wanna be alone anymore now
i hope that i can have a lover
is that too much to ask for
i wanna taste love before i go
even now i am not that scared that i won't survive another year but the fear is still there