new

well i knew this bunch of new friends when meet danny during chinese new year
there is ray,brendon,edwin and steve at first
latter on there is vincent, k'veron, kenny, fry, ken son, louis,jimmy,branan, duncan,another danny, and many more other guys
i was fun to knew them
they bring me a lot of laughter and things like that

i was pretty happy and stuff went clubbing a few times and most of the time we like to hang out in lost world

that is the best thing ever happened to me lately

cry

i really wanted to cry
but i can't
maybe i am too strong
but finally i did
i wanted her to be there for me when i cry but she did not
so i have to go through it alone
so what
i am so used to it
i cry myself to bed last time
when my dad don't love me at all
i told myself it is ok
when it comes to love
what a big deal about it
when it comes to work
if you are used to it
there is nothing we can do about it but just have to deal with it
so what i am sad but no one will pity me

i like to tell myself to move on
i can do
i have doing it for so long so what

down

i am really down lately
i meant really down
there is a few times i try to hit something but it doesn't hurt at all
they said that is really painful
from
down
to
down
to
freaking down
to damn down
till
i don't feel like doing anything thing
i don't even feel like going out
what i enjoy doing
seems like a responsibility
oh
go away
i wanted to leave
but i can't all for the sake of
MONEY

not yours

they said what is not yours
it will never be yours
so there is nothing we can do about it
love is not what we can't choose
love can fade just like you throwing a nice shirt into bleach
so there is nothing me can do about it
as love is about two person
we can force her to love you

2/28

i am so tired

i have never stop complaining about this matter

no matter what happened i am just tired of it

am i a person that gave up easily or i am just the type of person that can't do the same thing over and over again

i am tired at work + home + life + friends and so on

cny

so what it is cny
not happy at all
nothing much the same like it used to be
just have to bare with the holidays and stuff
sleep - eat - shit
that is what i have been doing for the past few days
but i am ok with it
soon the holidays is over i have to go back to the same old shit

1/26

well haven't post anything here for a long long time
a bit busy at work
a bit heart broken
a bit tired
i am getting fatter and i don't know what else to say
just really tired can't hardly wait for a long holiday

pain

there is a voice inside of everyone

screaming and yelling for help

when you scream so loud no one can even hear you screaming

no one is there to save you

the rush of pain is so sudden that your start to shriver

and theer is nothing that you can do to stop the pain

you try to scream but no one hears you

you try to show it but there is no one there to notice

you try to look for help but there is nothing others can do for you

you try to hurt yourself but the pysical pain does not cure

rhere is a lot of things going through your mind

there is not even one you can solve

all of it comes at once

the rush of pain taste so good

that you don't get it so often

when the rush is gone

you'll feel so glad that it is gone

Nov

it is a month of ups and downs
hate it love it
but it is ending soon
am i happy about it
no i am not
why can't there be a month in my life where it is full of ups and no downs
hate to gain and lose
hate to be judge
hate to be love
hate to be hated

fool

i have done something really bad
i told someone something that have been on my mind since the beginning
i knew what i was doing was wrong
but i am still doing it

it is ok now but i am not actually ok with it
i don't think it is right and it is not fair to do so to someone
i felt sorry and guilty
i wish i can undo the things i have done

why do i have to love freedom more than love

it hurts to see the people i have hurt
i have just add another sin to my list

love and freedom

love and freedom
i want to have both
after reading a friends comment on another blog i found out something about myself
seems like i love freedom more than love
how can i not see this
it is so true
after what i have been through with all my so called love life
i think that i am more into freedom than love
i think i am not ready
yeah i have made up my mind
my mom and a lot of close friends told me
that there is nothing that can stop me from what i want to do
no one can
i find it so true

hate it

i never knew that something like this would happened
em ain't not sure if it is me or what
but it is ok
i am find being here
not knowing whatll happen next but i am so used to it
i think i am what i am
i am just not ready for things like that
i think it will be fine
i will get through this
i do not need to figure things out that i already knew the out come of it

me

i saw a drama today
it is about fatherly love
i am upset that i will never know how it feels to have a dad
i do wonder what have i done wrong to deserve this
sometimes it is just not fair
but there is nothing i can do about it
i am grown up now i should not ask myself this over and over again
i think i do not need him anymore and i can tell the world i am fine without him
let it be
it is his lost not get to know me

omg

oh my god

i never thought that i will be mad with him

this is so strange

he show me the world but now it is like i am putting him in isolation

i don't know why

his attitude is disgusting me

i wish i won't feel that way about him

but he is so bossy around me

i hate it if people try to be bossy with me if you are not my boss

just wondering what is he thinking

and what is he trying to prove to the world

i hope that he will change

it feels so good to be vared by others instead of your own family members

something happened this few days that make me fly to heaven

i feel so happy and touched to know there is someone out that miss me a bit

when ever i miss my friends i will sms them and and ask about their lives

there is things that is more than friends that freak me out

i am scared to be more than friends

i am not sure maybe what i have been through

i am even more afraid to be more than friends

there is nothing i can do about it

it is beyond my control

it is the fear

can i stop myself from falling

i wish i can do it

i want to stop myself from falling

i know it is hard but i have to stop myself from this before it will hurt if things does not work

am i stupid or what

i think i am not

but the rest of the world think that i am

i hope that someone can always save me from myself

now there is someone saving me from my lonesome

too bad i have to say know

the another thing that i am scared is to make a fool out of myself

i don't want to go through this kind of embarrassment

i don't like to be fool and i am not sure what shall i tell myself when i sober from the mistake i make

hope that the next time i fall in love i won't be fool,cheated,lie and what ever betray

all i want is tender love and care most off all someone for me to run to when ever i am upset

it is so boring today
not sure if it is boring or what
but i just feel bored
went out shopping with michelle and there is nothing i wanted to buy except some good food
haven't smoke yet today
not sure how long can i last but em going for one latter

i WoNDer

love

everyone is looking for love

what are the basic requirement

tender love and care

kindness honesty sincere

and most important is money

most people are looking for someone to take care of them and return the other half will got their heart broken

isn't fair for the one that give so much

i do wonder what will happen to those that can't provide

why is everyone so selfish only want to take and never give

than if everyone is taking than sooner everyone will be single

liQuiD

a night out at liquid
went with adrian marcus steven gary sim apple joe joyce danny and nono
meet daren felix chris enson and another few more guys
it was a bit dull
nothing much but i like the bar more and the music was great but the dance floor was so so

i think i did ignore a few person
nothing much to see there as well more guys than girls
did not meet anyone
beside enson
too bad never get a chance to get enson number

maybe some other times

fear

what happen if i wake up tomorrow and i lost my eye sight
this is something i fear for ages
am i able to survive those horrible days where i won't get to see the things i like to see
am i going to be strong to live through it
am i able to live like other blind people
am i strong enough to go through it

what if i die tomorrow
who is going to take care of my mom
will there be a funeral for me
what will my friends tell my mom
and
what is my mom tell my friends about me
will my friends tell my secret to her

why do i have all this kind of stuff in my brain
i wish i won't think of this kind of stuff
am i going to be a happier person without thinking about it

what if always pop up in my mind

what if i die alone
that would be the most upsetting thing to ever comes through my mind

confession

this is a confession i have to do
i felt sorry for danny that i have stab his back
adriin and danny were a cute couple
i but there is a lot of things happened between them
i even tell them that i don't think that they won't last
the broke up because marcus chua and me ask adrian to break up with him
why ???
because danny betray him
and danny do not know how to take care of him
he didn't even sms adrian even they have not meet for days

so after they broke up
i don't know why i feel sorry for danny
maybe
because marcus is going after adrian and dannt is still single

not sure what to say but this really make me feel like i have betray danny as he trust me in stuff
he tells me secrets
and don't know why i am always stuck between them
as danny have problem with adrian
i fix it
when marcus is into adrian
i'm the first to know
when
adrian knows that marcus like him
i'm the first to know

man why do i have to stuck between
all this luvy duvy stuff
when am i going to be in love