what ever

new

2008-03-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

well i knew this bunch of new friends when meet danny during chinese new year
there is ray,brendon,edwin and steve at first
latter on there is vincent, k'veron, kenny, fry, ken son, louis,jimmy,branan, duncan,another danny, and many more other guys
i was fun to knew them
they bring me a lot of laughter and things like that

i was pretty happy and stuff went clubbing a few times and most of the time we like to hang out in lost world

that is the best thing ever happened to me lately

cry

2008-03-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

i really wanted to cry
but i can't
maybe i am too strong
but finally i did
i wanted her to be there for me when i cry but she did not
so i have to go through it alone
so what
i am so used to it
i cry myself to bed last time
when my dad don't love me at all
i told myself it is ok
when it comes to love
what a big deal about it
when it comes to work
if you are used to it
there is nothing we can do about it but just have to deal with it
so what i am sad but no one will pity me

i like to tell myself to move on
i can do
i have doing it for so long so what

down

2008-03-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

i am really down lately
i meant really down
there is a few times i try to hit something but it doesn't hurt at all
they said that is really painful
from
down
to
down
to
freaking down
to damn down
till
i don't feel like doing anything thing
i don't even feel like going out
what i enjoy doing
seems like a responsibility
oh
go away
i wanted to leave
but i can't all for the sake of
MONEY

not yours

2008-02-28T21:51:00.000-08:00

they said what is not yours
it will never be yours
so there is nothing we can do about it
love is not what we can't choose
love can fade just like you throwing a nice shirt into bleach
so there is nothing me can do about it
as love is about two person
we can force her to love you

2/28

2008-02-27T21:29:00.000-08:00

i am so tired

i have never stop complaining about this matter

no matter what happened i am just tired of it

am i a person that gave up easily or i am just the type of person that can't do the same thing over and over again

i am tired at work + home + life + friends and so on

cny

2008-02-08T01:46:00.000-08:00

so what it is cny
not happy at all
nothing much the same like it used to be
just have to bare with the holidays and stuff
sleep - eat - shit
that is what i have been doing for the past few days
but i am ok with it
soon the holidays is over i have to go back to the same old shit

1/26

2008-01-26T09:35:00.001-08:00

well haven't post anything here for a long long time
a bit busy at work
a bit heart broken
a bit tired
i am getting fatter and i don't know what else to say
just really tired can't hardly wait for a long holiday

pain

2007-11-27T03:40:00.000-08:00

there is a voice inside of everyone

screaming and yelling for help

when you scream so loud no one can even hear you screaming

no one is there to save you

the rush of pain is so sudden that your start to shriver

and theer is nothing that you can do to stop the pain

you try to scream but no one hears you

you try to show it but there is no one there to notice

you try to look for help but there is nothing others can do for you

you try to hurt yourself but the pysical pain does not cure

rhere is a lot of things going through your mind

there is not even one you can solve

all of it comes at once

the rush of pain taste so good

that you don't get it so often

when the rush is gone

you'll feel so glad that it is gone

Nov

2007-11-26T03:43:00.000-08:00

it is a month of ups and downs
hate it love it
but it is ending soon
am i happy about it
no i am not
why can't there be a month in my life where it is full of ups and no downs
hate to gain and lose
hate to be judge
hate to be love
hate to be hated

fool

2007-11-07T19:27:00.000-08:00

i have done something really bad
i told someone something that have been on my mind since the beginning
i knew what i was doing was wrong
but i am still doing it

it is ok now but i am not actually ok with it
i don't think it is right and it is not fair to do so to someone
i felt sorry and guilty
i wish i can undo the things i have done

why do i have to love freedom more than love

it hurts to see the people i have hurt
i have just add another sin to my list

love and freedom

2007-11-04T08:12:00.000-08:00

love and freedom
i want to have both
after reading a friends comment on another blog i found out something about myself
seems like i love freedom more than love
how can i not see this
it is so true
after what i have been through with all my so called love life
i think that i am more into freedom than love
i think i am not ready
yeah i have made up my mind
my mom and a lot of close friends told me
that there is nothing that can stop me from what i want to do
no one can
i find it so true

hate it

2007-11-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

i never knew that something like this would happened
em ain't not sure if it is me or what
but it is ok
i am find being here
not knowing whatll happen next but i am so used to it
i think i am what i am
i am just not ready for things like that
i think it will be fine
i will get through this
i do not need to figure things out that i already knew the out come of it

me

2007-11-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

i saw a drama today
it is about fatherly love
i am upset that i will never know how it feels to have a dad
i do wonder what have i done wrong to deserve this
sometimes it is just not fair
but there is nothing i can do about it
i am grown up now i should not ask myself this over and over again
i think i do not need him anymore and i can tell the world i am fine without him
let it be
it is his lost not get to know me

omg

2007-10-25T04:41:00.000-07:00

oh my god

i never thought that i will be mad with him

this is so strange

he show me the world but now it is like i am putting him in isolation

i don't know why

his attitude is disgusting me

i wish i won't feel that way about him

but he is so bossy around me

i hate it if people try to be bossy with me if you are not my boss

just wondering what is he thinking

and what is he trying to prove to the world

i hope that he will change

2007-10-18T04:43:00.000-07:00

it feels so good to be vared by others instead of your own family members

something happened this few days that make me fly to heaven

i feel so happy and touched to know there is someone out that miss me a bit

when ever i miss my friends i will sms them and and ask about their lives

there is things that is more than friends that freak me out

i am scared to be more than friends

i am not sure maybe what i have been through

i am even more afraid to be more than friends

there is nothing i can do about it

it is beyond my control

it is the fear

can i stop myself from falling

i wish i can do it

i want to stop myself from falling

i know it is hard but i have to stop myself from this before it will hurt if things does not work

am i stupid or what

i think i am not

but the rest of the world think that i am

i hope that someone can always save me from myself

now there is someone saving me from my lonesome

too bad i have to say know

the another thing that i am scared is to make a fool out of myself

i don't want to go through this kind of embarrassment

i don't like to be fool and i am not sure what shall i tell myself when i sober from the mistake i make

hope that the next time i fall in love i won't be fool,cheated,lie and what ever betray

all i want is tender love and care most off all someone for me to run to when ever i am upset

2007-10-16T04:21:00.000-07:00

it is so boring today
not sure if it is boring or what
but i just feel bored
went out shopping with michelle and there is nothing i wanted to buy except some good food
haven't smoke yet today
not sure how long can i last but em going for one latter

i WoNDer

2007-10-10T06:05:00.000-07:00

love

everyone is looking for love

what are the basic requirement

tender love and care

kindness honesty sincere

and most important is money

most people are looking for someone to take care of them and return the other half will got their heart broken

isn't fair for the one that give so much

i do wonder what will happen to those that can't provide

why is everyone so selfish only want to take and never give

than if everyone is taking than sooner everyone will be single

liQuiD

2007-10-07T02:40:00.000-07:00

a night out at liquid
went with adrian marcus steven gary sim apple joe joyce danny and nono
meet daren felix chris enson and another few more guys
it was a bit dull
nothing much but i like the bar more and the music was great but the dance floor was so so

i think i did ignore a few person
nothing much to see there as well more guys than girls
did not meet anyone
beside enson
too bad never get a chance to get enson number

maybe some other times

fear

2007-10-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

what happen if i wake up tomorrow and i lost my eye sight
this is something i fear for ages
am i able to survive those horrible days where i won't get to see the things i like to see
am i going to be strong to live through it
am i able to live like other blind people
am i strong enough to go through it

what if i die tomorrow
who is going to take care of my mom
will there be a funeral for me
what will my friends tell my mom
and
what is my mom tell my friends about me
will my friends tell my secret to her

why do i have all this kind of stuff in my brain
i wish i won't think of this kind of stuff
am i going to be a happier person without thinking about it

what if always pop up in my mind

what if i die alone
that would be the most upsetting thing to ever comes through my mind

confession

2007-10-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

this is a confession i have to do
i felt sorry for danny that i have stab his back
adriin and danny were a cute couple
i but there is a lot of things happened between them
i even tell them that i don't think that they won't last
the broke up because marcus chua and me ask adrian to break up with him
why ???
because danny betray him
and danny do not know how to take care of him
he didn't even sms adrian even they have not meet for days

so after they broke up
i don't know why i feel sorry for danny
maybe
because marcus is going after adrian and dannt is still single

not sure what to say but this really make me feel like i have betray danny as he trust me in stuff
he tells me secrets
and don't know why i am always stuck between them
as danny have problem with adrian
i fix it
when marcus is into adrian
i'm the first to know
when
adrian knows that marcus like him
i'm the first to know

man why do i have to stuck between
all this luvy duvy stuff
when am i going to be in love

la queen

2007-09-23T02:33:00.000-07:00

went to la queen to celebrate apple and joyce birthday
there is 11 of us
joe,joyce,adrian,danny,steven,marcus,apple,chris,yap,jim and me
this time it is way better
got a lot to drink
almost finish the two bottle of whiskey
got adrian and danny hook up with so other guys there
dance on the stage
threw p again
and well that's all
it was great

photo

2007-09-23T02:11:00.000-07:00

wake up one morning
got nothing to so
so snap photo after bath
snap almost 30 photo but only got a few acceptable

@+@

2007-09-16T09:19:00.000-07:00

i wish for so many things
i wish to be loved
i wish for a successful career
i wish to have a perfect body
i wish for a perfect life
but
what ever i wish is just a wish that i did not put my action to work
so it is not a wish but it is just day dreaming

{0-o}

2007-09-11T05:24:00.000-07:00

what ever have been said there is no take back
what ever have been done can't be undone
but what ever knot have been tie can be untie
if everything that have been done can be untie like a knot
isn't that make this world a beautiful place

smoking

2007-09-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

not sure what have trigger me from quiting smoking to continue doing so
it is something i wanted to stop for a long time
I'm still here smoking my lungs out
i wish i can stand up to the pressure i have now
rather smoking
i tell my mom how much i love my life but i am slowly killing myself
sometimes i think that i wanted to live long
but sometimes it hurts so much that i don't know when that day will come
but for sure i don't want to die alone and single
i'm such a dork

0_0

2007-09-04T07:58:00.001-07:00

life is hard
i am so bored
what else i can complain about my life
i am so tired
is every one feeling the same or it is just me
so tired
is everyone out there feel what i feel
em don't know what to say anymore
just wanna keep quiet and do nothing about it
it makes me feel better

la queen

2007-09-02T03:22:00.000-07:00

went clubbing at la queen
was a nice night but a bit boring
all my frenz went with their lover and i am all alone
so jealous of them
coz when they are drunk their lover took care of them and i have to take care of myself
em i think the next time i go it is better to go with a date or something

lover

2007-08-25T04:59:00.000-07:00

i spoke to yus a few days ago
i am so sad to hear about her being
i hope that she can be here with me
i always feel better when ever i hear her voice
there is something about her that make me feel better
i am not sure what it is
i always wish she is by my side when ever things happened
her words is already enough to make me feel better not sure will it better with her around
i remeber how happy i was having her around
times just fly when she is by my side
what can i do to bring her to me
life is just mess without her
yus please come to kl and stay with me
not sure what is my feeling for you
but i hope that you can spent time with me
i miss you a lot and i miss your hugs and kisses

=_=

2007-08-25T04:32:00.000-07:00

i am so sad everyday
not sure when and why it just can't stop here
not sure where is cama from
it hurts so bad that i can't sleep
it make me feel so bad about myself
sometimes it even make me feel that i am so useless
i hope that all this will go away every night before i go to bed
and when i wake up in the morning i am someone new and there is no more worries
whar i can i do to make myself much happier each day
is there any possibility to this
i am not sure either
can't breathe

i am not sure why is this happening
wherether if this is my problem or god just want me to be happy
when will all this blue go away
will time pause while i take a break

plz don't

2007-08-20T20:48:00.000-07:00

i am so sad when i heard someone did something stupid
i am not sure it is silly or what
but it is something she did because she is upset
i don't want her to be upset i want her to be happy even i am not
i hope that her lover can save her and take care of her
i can't be there most of the time for her
but i want her to be save and i don't wanna lose her
i don't know what to do without her
she is not only my cousin but she is like my sister
she is the closest friend i have in this family
i hope that she will never do that again
god or whom ever out there
plz take care of her for me
i need help, i can't bare the pain
i love her
plz save her from drowning
plz make her happy
and plz give her happiness
i do not know what to do to help you
i love you but i do not know how to help you
i can't lose you
i wanna tell her not to upset you and take good care of you for me
i can't be in your shoe
i wish i can and i know it is not easy to be you
plz let me help you
god plz protect her
plz love her and shower her with love

=^=

2007-08-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

there is time it feel so blue and lonesome to be single
there is nothing i can do about it
it is just life
maybe now i have to pay for what i have did to all my so called ex or just flings
there are just time i need someone there to be with me
someone more than just friends
too bad there is no one close to that
sometimes i am such a baby i need lots of hugs and kisses to make me feel loved
when will that day come
i think my lover must be a patient person and one that likes lots of hugs
em soon one day
can't wait to be there

changes

2007-08-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

there is so many changes lately
i am force to lead a team
i have lead before this but i am not good doing so
i gave up but i hope i won't give up this time i promise myself to go through it
i'll be a better person after this year
i'll learn
i've learn a lot this few weeks
i wanna be someone that everyone like
i wanna be me in the same time i get my job done

beside work i wanna have friends
i wanna have a lover too
i wanted someone to be here when ever i need her to be
i need love and lots of hugs
not sure y a hug and a kiss on my forehead make me feel happy and being loved

tired

2007-08-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

it is already 12 am
so what i am tired but i still wanna write about the things that happened today
i hate my life more than ever
i hate the sense that i have no one to turn to wen ever there is things
i notice i needed someone but not sure who and when i will have someone all the time here for me
i think i am ready to be hurt by love
but i am not ready to play with fire
i am not sure what i want anymore
i guess i never do
i wish i can just fly and never return
now i knew another thing
where money is not everything but i needed it
hope that someone will come and save me soon
i just need love

=_=

2007-08-10T15:40:00.000-07:00

i am not what happen to me all the sudden there is these blue that hits me
i am so blue that i can't even say a thing
i think i am really upset as i can barely taste my food
i can't smile i can't breathe
i am not sure what is wrong with me
i always wish someone can save me
in reality i am not sure i am worth saving
i wish there is always someone i can go to no matter what happen

lonesome

2007-07-29T03:38:00.001-07:00

there us this lonesome feeling
i hate to have it
when ever i wake up in the middle of the night i wish there is someone to comfort me
when i am ill there is someone to cook me my meals
but there is no one here
it is always been me
i guess it is ok
but it is not
there is nothing i can do about it
hope that i will survive this period

sob

2007-07-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

the days i fear of is here
i am scared to be unhappy
i know i deserve to be happy but it seems to be raining most of the time in my world
the sunny days only last for a day or two and the rest of the time here it's raining
no one knows
no one cares
who am i to deserve this
i wish i could be free from this
when??
how???
these the only question that i do not have the answer to
i wish someone out there would save me
one thing for sure
no one is going to be there for me but only me
it always have been me alone

fear

2007-07-16T08:08:00.001-07:00

there are so many things i fear of
but there is this one that bothers me the most is death
i am not sure if this is normal
when i was i kid i have thought of how i wanna die
i wanna die in my sleep or i wanna die when i go blind
i wanna donate all my organs to the one in need this was when i was 13 years old
most of the girls my age thought of their wedding but i did not
i was planning what to do if i survive another year
i don't wanna die a virgin
i don't wanna die alone too
i don't wanna die in pain
lately this thoughts always mingle around mm
i am not sure why but it is always there in my brain
i guess when ever i am happy i am afraid that i will lose all of it soon
i am scared that it will all end tomorrow
i have a bunch of nice team mate that make my day
i love my current job
my bro got a job
i am happy but i am scared
i know i deserve to be happy but i am scared to let myself lose
i have already let go of something but there is another half of me that is in fear
i hope that someone will come and save me soon
i don't wanna be alone anymore now
i hope that i can have a lover
is that too much to ask for
i wanna taste love before i go
even now i am not that scared that i won't survive another year but the fear is still there

pray

2007-07-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

pray
some of us do pray
pray for best of health
pray for a wealthy life
and so on

but how many of us is going to pray for world peace

chuckles
who cares anyway
poor thing for those living in disaster

i do not pray but i hope for the best
i hope that will be peace one day
not they day when the world ends but soon

not evry generation have to suffer for another generations sins
if there ii god i bet they are making a fool out of those who are suffering

black

2007-07-07T10:18:00.001-07:00

i am finally feeling better
it have been a long time
when i was pretty down
i got this solution to my sorrow
not i am not sure is i praised the goth and the
death metal
but for sure i feel better once i saw my black finger nail polish
i do not feel the pain listening to this type of music
life have been better lately but i am not sure am i capable to survive another fall
the pain is too much to bare

sin

2007-06-23T22:08:00.000-07:00

this is a page where is write all my sins
i wanted to count my sins and jolt down everything i did
where there is another blog where i write the truth of my everyday life
http://my-counting-days.blogspot.com/
i do admit i am not a person with a kind heart most of the time
i like to do evil deeds too
since i have tender my resignation letter i pist everyone off
i even didn't even went to work on my last day
i did something that i always wanted
i went and see doctor taking mc and i don't even call in to say i am on mc
even Alvin was always being nice to me but he said something that really hurt me
when i told him my last day is on the 24/5 he say well it is your choice and u can do what ever you wish and i have a lot people working for me
well it is just history now
now i am attach to my old company
hope that i can earn a few bucks b4 i go for the interview at KDU

i haven't told my mom i have resigned from hotel maya
i do not know how to tell her

2007-06-21T10:49:00.000-07:00

i can't admit it is easy
but it is for the best
i find it hard to say goodbye even i have knew them less than a month
it feels like i have knew them for ages
hope that i can still keep in touch with them in the future

i'm counting my last day there
i didn't even told my family that i haven't resign from there
just to tired to tell them what i want anymore

wow

2007-06-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

i did something that surprised myself
i never knew i am capable of doing something like that but i did bravo
i finally stood up for myself and not telling myself to bare the bullying
i have told my manager that what my good captain is bullying me and blaming me for something that i did not make mistake for
oh i am happy in one way but i am sad to accept what is coming ahead of me
not sure if i should laugh and giggle about or cry over it
i am sure i am not going to cry because i am done with what other people have done to me it is time to strike back

man

2007-06-06T11:09:00.000-07:00

ain't man the most thing i hate on this earth
why i got a whole list for it
bad things about man
-they treat women like crap
-they thin woman are stupid
-the only thing that comes through man mind when u mention woman is always sex
-man like to control their partners
-man like to think that woman can only stay in the kitchen but never behind a desk working their ass out
-man like to stare at woman
this list can really go on
not sure if i have a problem with man or all man are just jerk

i hate it

2007-05-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

i hate it when people push me around
i hate it you bugging me
i hate you for doing this to me
i hate being where i am now
i hate to be me
i hate everything about me and why it hurt so deeply to be me

why is the world looking at me as if i am an alien
why am i being where i am
why can't people love me
why can't i love
why it is always have to be you

i don't get what are you trying to prove
i don' think anyone can save me
i don't think you are happy to see me
i don't think that there is always a happy ending to a bad beginning

i am shouting out for help on a busy street but there is no one willing to help me
am i not entitle to it
i am tired being here
am i being silly or my mind is playing games with me

can i have a happy ending too
can my dreams comes true like other people
can someone help me i need it

2007-05-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

em not sure what to said about my job
i somehow hate an love it
i hate it when i feel alienated by my team mates
i like it because it is a beautiful hotel
but now i got a good reason to resign in the future
when i want to further study now i have a reason to go

when will that day where i'll be the career woman i wanted myself to be
not sure when not sure how
but i only hope for the best

2007-05-12T02:08:00.000-07:00

well it was a quit depressing week
my aunt got nasal cancer and i skip work for 2 days on my own reason for being lazy
another 3 days for taking care of my aunt
i am tired i didn't sleep well
i am sad and also angry at once

i am angry because she had an argument with my mom and how she treated her

i am sad because she is not feeling well and scared that something might happen to her

i am confuse

hope that she get well after this 6 weeks

2007-05-08T10:16:00.000-07:00

i wanna write in a blog that i knew there won't be anyone reading and most important there won't be anyone i knew reading it.
it is hard to tell them the things i been through
i am not sure they are going to understand me,and some secret are best to be kept to myself and those who don't really know me
so this blog will be a place for me to turn to when i am feeling blue